It's strange but my lunch today made me feel closer to me sobo (grandmama). I ate medium grain rice, with wasabi hurikake, unagi and miso soup. When i eat any of these things--miso, unagi, gohan from a rice cooker--i think instantly of her, i think of her laugh, the way her eyes disappear, eaten up by a wet brilliance, i think of the last week of her life, when chad and i fed her things she could no longer swallow, just because she wanted us to, just because she wanted to taste this fleeting world. Today i feel closer to my sobo, i feel more Japanese today than I have in weeks. I wish that feeling would stay. I wish I knew how to make it that way always.
Tonight is the 4th Lula's reading, but mostly, i just wanna see my peeps, and then come home later and study for my japanese test tomorrow. I must be getting old because the idea of staying home excites me more than the idea of going out. Of course, it would be different if there was a shorty in my life. But for now, i'll have to be content finding my heritage in a cup of soup, somewhere between the bean curd and the kombu.