I'm in shock.
I just found out that i got rejected from the fucking JET program. i can't fuckig believe it. for those of you that don't know my work history, i just got rejected from a program that sends fresh-off-the-press college graduates without any teaching experience to teach in japan, and my cv includes:
1. Teaching english to middle school kids in burkina faso (peace corps)
2. Teaching creative writing to sophmores and juniors (notre dame)
3. Teaching adult literacy to mexican-american students ranging in age between 17 and 70
4. Tutoring emergency english to cuban refugees (IRCO)
5. Tutoring black and hispanic kidz in humboldt park in reading, writing, speaking and listening, and creating an international culture club and a creative writing afterschool program (americorps)
6. Tutoring college students in ESL, English, writing and french at the information and academic support center (PSU)
7. Tutoring literacy to low income kidz in seattle (Catholic Community Services)
8. Oh, and i'll have a MFA in 6 weeks (with a 3.97 gpa from notre dame)
9. Add to this: i'm part japanese and have never been to japan, i have family there i've never met and i have tons of cross-cultural experience. . .and it's not like i went in wearing jeans and a t-shirt. i wore a brand new gray and blue pinstriped suit with a new blue tie, new black shoes and i answered their questions (some of them, peevish and accusatory) really well, with poise, humor and honesty. . . and they fucking dropped me. Ageistic assholes!
Man, i'm not even sad. well, actually, no, i am. but more than anything, i'm fucking pissed. i'm totally pissed off. i can't believe they rejected me, they didn't even put me on the alt list, they cold-out rejected me, and i've GOT TO BE ONE OF THE MORE QUALIFIED APPLICANTS. i know people who did the JET program, and they didn't have any teaching experience at all. god, what a fucking nightmare man.
In a weird sort of way, though, i'm relieved. when i got my lip pierced, i sort of felt like i was making some life-changing decision that would endanger my integration into japanese culture. the japanese are hella xenophobic, it's true, and when you're outside you're always outside, but i knew that getting my lip pierced made it that much harder to belong even superficially. and yes, i was willing to go along with that anyway. but now i don't have to worry about that. yes, i still want to go to japan real bad and see my family. hopefully someday i will. but not this way.
And the other feeling that's been racing through my veins the past 3 months is: as much as i'd love to spend some time in japan, i'm not going to write that much if i'm there cuz JET volunteers generally work their ass off, and i know that if i was teaching, i'd work really hard. plus, i almost didn't apply to the JET program cuz i was concerned it would distract me from writing, from submitting, from ongoing projects, stuff liek that. i've been worried since AWP that it woulc disconnect me from this culture of writing i'm now part of. well, fuck, i don't have to worry about that *laughing.*
You know, i can deal with this. i mean, i'm still kinda shocked and i think it's kinda riDICulous i didn't get a JET assignment. but fuck, what can i do except:
Travel when i can
Devote myself to becoming a better fiction writer
Publish my novel
I know it doesn't look like it right now since i've gotten nothing but rejections since the year started, but 2007 is gonna be a good year, i just know it. i'm just waiting for the universe to agree with me.