27 January 2007

In Case You Didn't Know You Were in South Bend

On my way to campus the other day i saw:

A man in a sand-camouflaged hummer with a sign attached to it that read: hummy, the hummer. then i noticed three huge american flags hoisted on the sides and in back. after i got on the bus and noticed a woman wearing a bright red cap that said: i heart jesus.

22 January 2007

Slowly Finding My Rhythhm

Okay, i know it's spelled rhythm, but that spelling is ludicrous, even etymologically. actually, etymology is the reason it's such a pain in the ass to write. so if i were chairman of the academy of english, and if such an institute existed (some call it oxford university), my first bill would be to change the spelling of rhythm to something like:

Rhythum

Or:

Rithum

Or for people with lisps:

Ridum

A few things:

The h on my keyboard is sticking so almost everytime i use an hh i get double stuff. it's like my keyboard is lisping or somethhing. did you see that? Look: Rhythhm. Stop it!

18 January 2007

Missing My Mom in Cold South Bend

What's wrong with me these past two days? i feel like a girl. i haven't cried this much since devon and i broke up. and it's weird, i'm not sad or even depressed--and with this cold weather, i consider that a miracle. i just feel very very open emotionally. also:

I miss my mom. i had this disturbing dream last night she died and in my dream i was crying and i woke up and i was crying. it fucking sucked so bad. i'm going to call her soon just to hear her voice. i feel like this dream is about how much she and i connected over break, how sad i'll be to be so far away from her if i move to japan, assuming i get the job. i feel like that dreams is also about how i don't want her to be lonely or poor. if i can't take care of her someday, who will? i feel bad at the prospect of abandoning her, even if it's right for me to live in japan, even if it's been my dream since i was 8. it's not that i think it's wrong to move to asia, i just wish i wasn't going to be so far away.

14 January 2007

Life on Armitage Avenue + Sheffield

Ever since i was a vain teenager, i have been in love with, and alternatively repulsed by, this part of lincoln park. equal parts urbane à la new york, with the brown line el rumbling in the background, refurbished banks and doggie boutiques and equal parts hopelessly midwestern with zitty college girls in victoria's secret sweatpants and uggs, and waves of men in khakis and polo shirts, armitage avenue and sheffield is the perfect intersection of my past conceits, my adolescent mythology and fascination, my adult dread and comfort of this place that inhabits not just a part of but also a geography inside my past.

Maybe it was stopping my g-star and kiel's first, maybe it's the slow recognition that erika and i slowly preparing for our move to europe, which scares the shit out of me and excites me. but there's something about being here right now, at the crossroads of my first years in chicago and my adult exile into another continent, my speculation of these streets and my tangible evolution into an emerging artist, there's something about the simplicity of being here right now that grounds me, both the stories that i keep revising about my life and about the space i live in, but also the uninhabited world i want to explore so badly and the places that never really existed except inside my mind.

11 January 2007

Children of a Lesser God + Hammock of Mirrors

This was one of the best vacations i've had in recent memory and i know how fortunate i was to have a month of paraiso.

I took the coaster down to san diego, arriving at:

And i walked around the city, noticed all the development that's going on before buying some threads at g-star raw and urban outfitters, and then, i had a little moment when i saw:

Also, i got to see my friend suzie, who get's crazier--and therefore cooler--everytime i see her

It was great kicking it with her after a year:


Of course, first i watched suzie on stage earlier that evening at the:

The san diego repertory theater's production of "don quixote"was strange and kinda cool. and it's there that i took illegal pictures inside like this:



And the windmills--my fave part:

And here are some final beach shots of magnificent socal. i get nostalgic just knowing i have to leave. here are some pics from cardiff beach and:

Such amazing last visions of socal for january, and probably for the year:






And the beautiful sky when the it also falls, letting great orbs of tangerine light sink into a vast hammock of mirrors:



Sometimes, when the sunset is so stunning it crushes you, it seems like we are all children of a lesser god:

07 January 2007

Thanks to the Creator

I feel like a teenager. no, i'm serious. i'm STILL sleeping 9-10 hours a night. i can't believe how much sleep debt i have. but i'm sleeping so well. today i slept in, like usual. and then, after my mom dropped little hints about how i'm wasting the day away, we ate some trail mix, drove to the beach and it was 78 degrees. it was AMAZING. the waves were big, everyone was in shorts and socal was never more beautiful than it was today.

Then, my mom and i drove to encinitas and shared a tropical storm smoothie at swami's cafe--one of my fave places in the whole world. my mock blt with avocado was the sickest thing ever. and this woman came up to me with her husband and asked me about my tattoos and i was really flattered. she really liked the buddha and the arabic. this is one thing i luv about the west coast, people appreciate good body art here. i luv that.

Then my mom and i walked to the self-realization fellowship, and walked through the garden, sat on the benches high on the cliffs, gazed down on the ocean lullaby again. then we watched koi swimming in slow circles. it was quiet, sunny and beautiful. afterwards, we drove to a sally's house, one of my mom's friends (and originally her AA sponsor) and we helped her move some boxes. and finally we drove back to solana beach on 101--the view was magnificent. and during our drive i called pops and wished him a happy birthday. he sounded healthy and happy and i'm so grateful for that.

Before we came home, we went to the farmer's market and bought some organic spinach and apples and i bought my mum some flowers too. she protested, but then once i handed her the small little bouquet, you could tell she liked them.

I'd like to thank the universe/god/the saints and buddhas of every religion for:

This weather
My family's health
Their strength, joy and peace
My friends
My writing
This vacation
Going back to SoBe and finishing my MFA degree
My obaasama
All the blessings in my life, and in everyone else's.

For some reason, today just made me so aware of how blessed we all are to live and to love without regret or condition.

03 January 2007

New Year = Evolution

Wow, i can't believe it's the new year already. 2007. i feel like this is going to be a really good year.

Here are my new year's resolutions:

1. Finish my novel
2. Go to japan
3. Nine good deeds each month
4. Flower brigade (more on that later)
5. One big journal publication
6. Say the word love a 1,000 times
7. Meditate more
8. Twenty-four hours of silence
9. Forgive one person i don't like

In other exciting news, i found out that water, according to chinese astrology, is my lucky element since i'm a white rabbit and i was born in the year of green tiger, and am therefore, metal. water is my balance. and i wonder:

Or was it this kind of water?


Crossing it? drinking it? bathing in it? who knows. . .

New year's eve was hella rad. my mum and i spent the day together. first we drove down 101, like we always do, right on the ocean, passing normal scenes of socal like:

Went to a self-realization fellowship service


Where we meditated, chanted, sung songs and listened to the swami talk about taking responsibility for our lives in the new year, the way our soul is god and how meditation helps us become aware of our soul. it was awesome. the guru looked like devon's father, who i love with all my heart, so i was instantly drawn to him.

Then, after kicking at st. tropez café encinitas, where we ate brunch in the sun:

We went to trader joe's--which was absolutely insane, it was like trying to shop during rush hour in mumbai--then went to blockbuster video, came home, took down the christmas tree that was raining needles, and held up for weeks by dental floss.
and then we had a little feast of:

Chimchurri sauce and bread
Kalamata olives
Spinach filled nugget things
Smoked pepper salmon
Red pepper sauce (ajvar)
Thai peanut salad
Dolma
Organic multigrain bread
Avocado and pico de gallo

Visually speaking:

And yesterday, i watched michigan GET SPANKED by usc.

Lastly, here are a series of sunset pics i took last week, all in one sitting. enjoy:








And then, way up in the sky i noticed: