My friend Andy (known affectionately by me as Shaps because of his last name, Shapiro) is in town for the next couple of weeks. And it's great seeing him. But as I do with all the people I like and care about in anyway, I pulled a prank on him right after he bought his airplane ticket. This is the email I sent him on Facebook. Why, you ask? Because I'm a smartass, motherfucker, that's why. And the best part is that Shaps totally bought this specious little lie.
--You have to tell him the truth, LB told me, after Andy starting freaking out.
--No, not yet, I said, in a couple of hours I will.
She just shook her head at me.
Anyway, here is Shap's Buenos Aires Prank Email from Me:
So glad you're coming. here are a few things you should know before you get there just so you have an idea of what's up:
1. this will sound strange, but we live in a coop that has a policy of no clothes. so there's no clothes allowed once you get to the second level. originally we moved in because rent was reasonable and we liked the neighborhood. but we decided to stay. anyway, there's a separate "clothes-friendly" section on the first floor for guests and people making the transition. but for dinners and stuff, you'll have to go without clothes. it's strictly prohibited. i was going to tell you before but I didn't know you were going to buy a ticket so quickly.
2. Secondly, as part of the cooperative, you'll have to help with the composting and do commando work once a week. composting is a synch, as long as you bring some latex gloves and a mask. otherwise it can stink to high heaven. commando is a little more work, but it's just one day a week, every Thursday. Basically you work with the other coop shareholders (that's what we call each other), naked of course, sweeping, cleaning the kitchen on the first floor, mopping, making granola, watering the garden, cleaning the community toilets, stuff like that. Occasionally, you'll help the rest of us paint stuff, the backyard patio, the front gates, the front door. That part is clothes-optional, but you can wear whatever feels right to you since it's outside.
3. There's a Spanish-only policy here. Don't worry though, you can just fake it. There are a few beginning Spanish speakers and they make out just fine with basic Spanish, but during group dinners, Coop meetings and Commando sessions, you're not allowed to speak English, so brush up on your irregular verbs now. Temporary share holders that violate the Spanish policy get kicked out. I've seen it twice now and it's not pretty. But again, don't worry about this, the intention matters more than anything else and the Coop leader, Carlos, is a nice guy.
4. Finally, there's a mandatory meeting once a week where all of the shareholders meet for conversation, tea and prayer. You get to pick the religion of your choice of course. You choose to say nothing or if you feel inspired, you can choose to tell the other people what you're feeling. In Spanish of course. This meeting, in addition to Commando + Composting, is mandatory for all guests and shareholders.
Anyway, that's it. I just wanted to give you the heads up now so you know what's up.
Can't wait to see you soon.