09 July 2009

Zoe Meets Her Cousin

LB + I were walking Zoe the other night, when an ugly black transvestite with a terrible weave almost stepped on her. Zoe--being the lover of all human beings--rushed to her. The transvestite got frantic, skipping away from Zoe like a clumsy ballerina.

--Um, please keep your animal away, she said, disgusted.

I started giggling.

--It's not funny, she said, a half a block past us, her feet pounding the sidewalk.

Then I really started cracking up. I mean, being told not to laugh is always a bad psychoprompt, especially when it's by an ugly transvestite with a really bad wig.

But maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe, Zoe had mistaken her wig for one of her cousins. I mean, they kinda looked alike in a big-fluffy-ball-of-fur-kinda-way. Another possibility: maybe I'm missing what's obviously one of the great unknown Ovidian stories of all time called "The Weave + the Shia-poo." So, um, what's the lesson then?

12 comments:

Fernanda Ibañez said...

aww cute story!, except for the transvestite: no bitch can mess around with her wig, hell no

(gosh, maybe i have a good english but i'm so paranoid that i googled every single word)

chau
:)

JACKSON BLISS at 水と魂 said...

Fernanda, your English sounds like it was googled. Oh wait, it was. *snap* I like the new profile pic, by the way. Besos.

stilllifeinbuenosaires said...

I just about spat out my coffee after reading Fernanda's post. "Hell no!"

Hey I was waiting for you to post again. I hope your quietness means that you are enjoying some Chicago, LB, and family goodness. Maybe you are saving up all of your writing mojo for August?!?

Knowing Zoe, I bet she's still upset that the transvestite didn't like her. She just wants to be loved!!

Fernanda Ibañez said...

hahaha I made someone laugh, I'm so happy

thank you jb, you are an ego destroyer

JACKSON BLISS at 水と魂 said...

Fernanda,

Yeah, I know. But at least you're trying to use your English. I totally applaud that. A lot of Argentines are afraid to speak English because they don't feel like they speak it well--okay, usually they DON'T speak it well--so instead, they just avoid speaking English all together. To me this is kinda endearing: Argentines aren't comfortable making mistakes. But YOU should be honey. You're among friends here, even if I have to argue with you and destroy your ego sometimes. It's all out of love + appreciation.

Fernanda Ibañez said...

You should hear my English accent (from U.K). It's awesome!

JACKSON BLISS at 水と魂 said...

Fernanda,

I seriously doubt it. But at least you're trying, that's all that matters.

Fernanda Ibañez said...

Oh my God, I'm so offended. Maybe You'r right... I' don't have a perfect English accent YET, but I do have a really respect one.

¬¬

Chau

Fernanda Ibañez said...

I meant to say. "I do have a really respectful one"

God, I'm so paranoid with my English! I want you to shut up! I'm good at this!!

My ego is fighting to survive

Chau

JACKSON BLISS at 水と魂 said...

You mean respectable? You know, it's funny. Every now and then, I'd walked through Palermo and hear an Argentine woman (it's always a woman, for some reason) speaking to someone in this strange, fake, British accent, and it always made me laugh. I love the British accent as much as the next person, but the only place you'll find Brits in South America--besides the pub, I mean--is on the islas maldivas! You'd think that Argentines would want to learn any accent but the British one. . . anyway, don't worry about accent, just get the words out first, then you can worry about the accent later on. By the way, egos are the first thing to get destroyed when someone learns a foreign language--consider it your first lesson in transcendentalism.

Besos.

Fernanda Ibañez said...

Ok :) I recovered. Can I ask you a favor? Please don't say Islas Maldivas... It's Malvinas. Thank God You did'nt said Falklands. That's the part that I don't like British.

My interest of having a nice accent comes from that I've been studying English Language since I'm eight years old and It's basically headed to British. But I know my first comment wouldn't pass any Cambridge exam. I was fooling around when I said It was awesome! but You hurt me saying that you seriously doubt it. And you have noticed that I can't get -"argentinos" and myself- off the high horse.

The fact is that I'm quite lazy to write in english and I also want to read more of your stuff. Maybe You have the same lazyness right now. (Kidding)

Anyway, thank you for all.
You'r a good blog friend and teacher as well haha
Chau

PS: This is Maldivas for me http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maldivas It's not in South America.

JACKSON BLISS at 水と魂 said...

Fernanda,

Qué sabelotodo. I KNOW it's not the maldives. In my defense, it was 3 in the morning, and I was tired, you little fucker! I know the Maldives is in Asia. I meant the FALKLAND ISLANDS jeje. No, seriously, I meant las islas malvinas, but I was tired + my brain wasn't fully functioning at that point. I'm sure your accent is cute for sure, by the way, just not British, because the British accent is a fulltime accent, it's not like the American one where you can boludear, no the British accent is beautiful but uptight + it's a fulltime job. So, don't worry about it. If you're speaking English, that's a good thing. I'm happy you're practicing + I won't make fun of you for sounding like a mentally challenged 9th grader when you write in English (which you kinda do), because we ALL sound that way when we're learning another language, no matter how long we've been speaking it. When I was in Lima, Erika's uncle, after we'd talked in Spanish for hours together, suddenly stopped talking to me and started using sign language to me as if I was deaf + dumb.

--Jackson, he'd say, pointing his fingers at his eyes, then through the window to the sea.
--Kiko! Habla español, LB's mom said.
--Jackson, he'd say again, pointing at his eyes with his fingers, and then through the window again towards the sea.

It was like he thought I was an idiot because my Spanish wasn't perfect. . . Anyway, you're good señorita maldivas, even if you're not actually an Asian island. Keep practicing your English.

Peace,

--j2b